The short answer to this question is probably yes. I think I have relationship PTSD that dates all the way back to my teenage years. And please do not misunderstand, I am not blaming anyone though I have been accused of that. I was upset about that for a while, but it’s my blog and I can write whatever I want on it. Anyway, I have had several longterm relationships and I’m convinced that I have no idea how to be in a relationship. I think it’s because I have a hard time trusting that the other person will accept my craziness. I am crazy and sometimes it’s hard to deal with, other times it’s a fun sort of crazy. I’m not putting myself down when I call myself crazy. I know that I have neuroses and that is something I am well aware of. So please don’t tell me I am self-deprecating when I say I am crazy. It’s my right to call myself whatever I want. If I say I am a panda, then I’m a panda. If I say I’m crazy, then I am crazy. For example, I have two friends who are Paranoid Schizophrenics and they often get yelled at for referring to themselves as “schizophrenic” by other mental health advocates. To me that’s ridiculous. It’s their right to call themselves what they want. If you don’t like it, oh well. People need to chill about this stuff.
So me and relationships, I not saying that I could never have a successful romantic partnership. I’m saying that I am a complex person who deserves to be with a man who can appreciate that. He needs to understand and love my honesty. He needs to be able to keep up with my level of activity in multiple areas of my life. He needs to accept that I have social anxiety and even though I seem like an extrovert I am not. I am clearly an introvert and sometimes being at parties makes me want to hide in the closet. I can’t handle being around large crowds of people because it’s hard for my anxiety disorders.
I’m not expecting the person to fix me, I just want to be understood. I am a giving and empathetic person who will do anything for someone who loves me and I love back. Okay, this is sounding like a dating profile. I’m not trying to get a man. I am happy being a single mom doing my thing. I don’t need a dude to complete me. And I don’t think anyone should want another person to fix them. I wish that before I had gotten married I had tried to talk that out first. But hindsight is 20/20 as they say, whoever “they” are.
So, are you bad at relationships? I don’t think that’s a terrible thing. We all have challenges and it’s good to recognize what we need to work on. If I can be more trusting of men, perhaps I’ll have a healthy relationship.