To Be Understood…or Not

//To Be Understood…or Not

To Be Understood…or Not

The hardest truth for me to accept in my life is that not everybody is going to understand me. There have been so many times that I wanted desperately to be understood. My feelings were so passionate and I really needed someone to say “I get it.” I feel your pain, anger, frustration or sadness. When this person did not get me I got angry. I was resentful of their lack of understanding but that had nothing to do with them; now I know that. The truth is that not everyone needs to get you. As long as YOU get you, that is what’s most important.

I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing this problem. Why do I need someone to understand my feelings or who I am? Ultimately it comes down to the fact that I am unsure of myself. I’ve grown accustomed to questioning the validity of my feelings. I’ve asked other people to validate them to soothe my insecurities.

I used to think that I was alone in my insecurities. Now I know that that’s absolutely incorrect. It’s a generalization to think that most people are confident in themselves. Most human beings have prominent insecurities, but they may not outwardly express them. For me, the most powerful moment was when I excepted that I was secure in my insecurities.

Not everyone has to be confident at all times. We vacillate between feeling great about ourselves and feeling not so good. It is a myth that people can be okay 24 hours a day. But for some reason, I truly believed that I was the only person who suffered in this way.

Now I know that my feelings have validity no matter if someone understands them or not. They exist in the vacuum of my brain. If the other person understands how I feel, that’s great. If they don’t get it, it doesn’t have any impact on t the validity of my feelings whatsoever.

I’m working on understanding myself every day. I’m working on being comfortable with who I am and how I feel. It’s a process that is likely going to be lifelong. I’m learning to be OK with that.

Whether you are in therapy with a local practitioner or with an online therapist, you can discuss this crucial issue. Being understood isn’t imperative to your life. Sure, it helps to have close friends who can hear you and empathize with you. But, as long as you are able to value your own feelings, that is ultimately what matters. Have you ever felt misunderstood by another person? I’m sure you have. Know that you are not alone and you have a right to your feelings as you feel them.

By | 2017-06-25T01:00:23+00:00 June 25th, 2017|Uncategorized|Comments Off on To Be Understood…or Not

About the Author:

Sarah Fader is the CEO and Founder of Stigma Fighters, a non-profit organization that encourages individuals with mental illness to share their personal stories. She has been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Atlantic, Quartz, Psychology Today, The Huffington Post, HuffPost Live, and Good Day New York.