I am someone who fights against injustices. When I see something that I feel isn’t right, I will fight against it, whether it’s racism, misogyny, homophobia, antisemitism, or any sort of discrimination. I’m not only a fighter when it comes to discrimination, I also fight for the relationships in my life. When I make friends with someone and they are important to me, I want to maintain that relationship. When there are bumps in the road, I will fight to keep that person as my friend. I won’t give up and I will work out any disagreements we might have. The same goes for romantic relationships; I fight for them. That’s why it’s difficult to understand when people won’t fight for me. I am worth fighting for and I know it. I fight for other people all the time. I am a fiercely loyal friend and I make that known. I enter into friendships taking them seriously and when the dynamic in the friendship in unbalanced and I don’t feel emotionally reciprocated, it’s extremely painful for me.
But one of the worst feelings is when a person chooses not to fight to keep me in their life. I make an extraordinary effort to help the people I love. I want them to know how much I care about them and what I would do for them. I fight for them hard. And there are people who fight for me too, whom I appreciate and then there are others who are more passive and take for granted that I will always be there because I am a loyal friend. That isn’t fair to me and I feel taken advantage of.
It’s not as complicated to fight for somebody as it might seem. “Fighting” is a subjective term and it might mean something different for you than it does for me. What it means to me to fight for your friends is to show them that you love them by taking action and never giving up on the relationship, unless it is toxic for either one of you. I love to demonstrate my ability to care for people. It’s a quality that I am proud of. My mama raised me well and I am happy to be an empathetic person who loves to show other people how much they mean to me. The trouble that I have is that not many people are like that in this world so I seek out others who share the same qualities. There are plenty of empathetic people out there, you just have to look hard and you will find people who can join your kindness tribe. For one insensitive person, there is one kind person; this isn’t based on any actual studies I’ve conducted, but rather on the informal empirical evidence I’ve discovered as a human living in the world.