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Self Doubt is Part of My Life

I am full of self-doubt a lot of the time. I’m not sure entirely why this is, but it’s been around for as long as I can remember. Since I was a child I have second-guessed myself. I doubt my abilities even though I know inside I am capable of doing stuff. I am good at acting, writing, making people laugh, making cookies from random ingredients, being an advocate for my children, and more. But for some reason I doubt myself. Maybe part of that is being human. All I know is that I wish that I could be confident more often. I can bring it out if I need to, but I have to channel it.

Being confident takes practice. Every day I tell myself I am doing the best that I can. Every day remind myself that making mistakes is normal; whatever normal means. I try the best that I can be a good friend and family member. I believe that’s all we can do. In addition to working on ourselves in Therapy whether that’s in person are with an virtual therapist. The most important thing is to keep being self-aware and keep trying to find insight.

I’ve talked about how I don’t like the expression “working on yourself.“ but there sort of isn’t another way to phrase it. You have a “self” and it needs to be “worked on.” That’s what you do in life. It’s a process and I hope that one day I can have more confident days than insecure ones. However, there is power in admitting your insecurities.

There is confidence in being not confident. If you pretend to be confident when you aren’t that doesn’t serve you well. The most important thing that you can do is be true to yourself and that is something I know I am doing. Sometimes I feel down and I honor those feelings. Sometimes I feel anxious and I let myself feel that way because those are my feelings and I’m entitled to them.

I get frustrated with people when they don’t hear my feelings, and I’m entitled to those feelings. There is no right way to be human. There is no right way to exist as one of my best friends Allie Burke once said.

That made me feel so great. Allie has always supported me in my insecure times and I love her for that.

Being human is so hard. But I’m not a cat so I’ll continue being human. Owning who you are is the best thing you can do because then you won’t be disappointed in yourself. I know myself pretty well. I’m aware of my flaws and I’m aware of my strengths. And that is the best that I can do.

Sometimes I wonder if insecurity is (in fact) a strength; I believe it could be. If you’re aware of your weaknesses (for example) when you’re battling an opponent in a fight, then you can overcompensate and win.

What about you? Are you confident or insecure?